Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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