You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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