You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
