He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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