I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
