I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
