idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
