Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
