Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
