how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
