Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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