Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
