toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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