I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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