Just took my morning after pill in the library
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
