I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
