Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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