we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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