Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
