I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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