you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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