She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
