There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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