After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
