You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
