I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize