my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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