She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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