Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
