some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
smell my finger.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
