i think i have herpe
just one?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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