he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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