he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
