I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
