...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
