he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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