I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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