I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
