these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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