i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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