Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize