who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
