Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
bring money and cleavage
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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