we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
