Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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