I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
