he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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