..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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