We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
