around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
