I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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