You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
