I only kidnapped one of them. chill
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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