yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
