Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
