the ceiling is raining jello shotss
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
