I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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