saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
