forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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