So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
