in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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