someone owes me an orgasm
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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