rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She bit a glass in half.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
