i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
