You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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