If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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