yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
