yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
