I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
