Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
