You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
